i would punch a child for taco bell
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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