dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
