I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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