Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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