First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
