the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
