Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
