On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
