she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
