You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
