this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
