Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
