I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
