if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
