Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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