my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
