Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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