If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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