U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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