Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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