please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
