a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
