need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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