My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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