I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Two words: nipple clamps
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