she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
