He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
