Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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