im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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