i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
