i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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