Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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