capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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