That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
