so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
