I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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