As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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