I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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