you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
