I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
