What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
