Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
