I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
