nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
