I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
