This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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