i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
