All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
