I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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