everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
