he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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