my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
