She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize