WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
