we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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