Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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