i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
