Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
