Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
