Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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