genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
