dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
