I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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