Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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