I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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