What a fucking waste of an outfit
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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