Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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