At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
