He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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