I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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