i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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