No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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