my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
