he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
