you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
