You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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