my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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