Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
