Kiss
Puke
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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