I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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