She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
