i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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