Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
