The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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