thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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