you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
