why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So much Jack, so little girl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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