FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want a musical about memes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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