I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
