He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
