I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
