I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
